❤️ Harm Reduction Guide for Couples Taking MDMA ❤️
- Psychedelic Researcher
- Jan 20
- 4 min read
MDMA is known as the ‘love drug’ and makes users feel more social, open and empathetic. Most people take MDMA with someone they already know – friends, friends of friends or romantic partners.
I’ve written this guide for anyone who is taking MDMA with their partner and is curious to learn what you can do to maximise the positive effects and minimise the challenges. It mainly focusses on emotional and social effects and is based on the only two research studies which have spoken directly to couples who take MDMA recreationally. We still don’t know the long-term effects of MDMA on relationships but if this is something you are doing anyway, it makes sense to take care of yourself and your partner as much as you can. For more general information on how to take MDMA more safely, see the Rollsafe harm reduction guide.
We do not promote the use of illegal psychoactive substances. This content has been created strictly for harm reduction purposes, and you should note that the only way to be perfectly safe using MDMA is to not take it at all. The same is true with alcohol, skydiving, and sex - the only way to be perfectly safe in these activities is to not do them.
✨ 1. Take MDMA on ‘special’ occasions
Couples thought that MDMA only needed to be taken every 3-4 months to get the most benefits (1). Couples say the best way they have found to keep a good amount of time between rolls is to treat taking MDMA as a ‘special event’ (2).
What makes something special?
Does not happen regularly
Has another (positive!) meaning
Special occasions could be:
o Celebrating good news! (e.g. end of exams, a homecoming, getting a new job)
o A significant social event (e.g. a music festival, a friend reunion)
o Marking natural events (e.g. certain time of year, changing of the seasons)
🏠 2. Prepare before you take MDMA
Many couples spoke about preparing together and how this increased their excitement and created a more positive experience (1). Make it a ritual each time you take MDMA so that you are both getting yourselves and your space ready to have the best experience possible (1),(2). Some people said this added to a feeling of taking MDMA being a ‘special thing’ and allowed them to focus on this time with their partner more, making it a more re-energising and re-connecting experience. Even if you’re taking MDMA outside your home, you can still make your home a nice space to return to afterwards.
There is no one way to do this, but there are some ideas below.
To get yourself ready, you could:
Eat and drink healthily 1-3 days before
Switch off devices
Exercise (e.g. walk, yoga)
Get plenty of rest
Think about what your intention is for the experience
Take a long shower or bath
For your environment, you could:
Clean your space
Decorate the space e.g. flowers, candles, pictures, lights
Make the space as comfortable as possible e.g. using cushions and blankets
Create a music playlist
Gather any ‘props’ you might want for the experience itself e.g. water and sports drinks, gum, glowsticks, massagers
Plan for shifts in setting e.g. moving from room to room, inside to outside, and between different activities
For the overall experience, consider:
When and where you will take MDMA
How much you will take
How you will get MDMA
What other substances will be avoided or used
Whether your medications are safe to take with MDMA
For more information generally on how to take MDMA in a safer way, including how to safely hydrate and taking breaks from activity, see the Rollsafe harm reduction guide.
🤷 3. Discuss who you will take MDMA with
Many couples felt that taking MDMA together was a couple ‘thing’ and had (unspoken) rules around who they would take MDMA with (2). MDMA can be a very emotional experience – full of love, euphoria and excitement – so it makes sense to want to share this with your partner, and think about who you might not want to share the experience with.
Ask yourself:
o Do you want to always take MDMA together or are you happy to take it individually?
o Does it matter if other people are there or not?
👩❤️👨 4. Think about your relationship boundaries
MDMA often makes people feel happy, ‘loved up’, and you want to get closer to others. But how close is too close?
It’s different for everyone – while one person may be fine with their partner dancing with someone else, another person would feel that dancing is too intimate. Hugs and kisses on the cheek might be ok, but holding hands is too much.
Rather than waiting for something to happen (and causing tension), talk about your expectations ahead of time and get clear on your relationship boundaries.
💬 5. Keep conversations going
MDMA often encourages sharing thoughts, feelings and insecurities with one another, as people can feel very open and safe. Couples shared difficult memories from their past, feelings of love for each other as well as issues in their relationship (1),(2),(3). Be kind if your partner shares something new or unexpected with you.
Sometimes it can feel so good in the moment, and it’s easy to think that all your problems are solved! However, couples felt it was important to keep working on any issues that came up on MDMA and to be open to continuing those conversations afterwards (2),(3).
🕰️ 6. Set aside time for recovery
Couples made sure to plan ‘recovery’ time after taking MDMA (1). This meant keeping the next day completely free so they could spend time together, catch up on sleep and reflect on the experience. During recovery, couples also tried to return to the feeling and experience of being on MDMA – this could extend the benefits of MDMA and was helpful to integrate insights had on the drug.
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